Dear Daughter, Here’s What Really Matters In Kindergarten

Dear Daughter, 

As kindergarten starts, I want to remind you of a few things: 

1. Be kind, not mean.  

Kindness will allow you to see the hearts of those around you.

2. Don’t follow your friends (at least not all the time).  

Lead by example, do the right thing. Learn what’s right and wrong. If you see that a boy or a girl that is being made fun of, be the one that protects them. If you see that a classmate is not listening to the teacher, help them listen. 

3. Embrace the differences in those around you!  

Know that all of us want to be loved and accepted. If you see a child who needs help, ask them how you can help, don’t make fun of or laugh at them. 

4. If you see a child sitting by themselves, sit with them.  

Ask them questions, get to know them and become their friend.

5. Respect your teacher.  

Teachers are very important to your growth and development. Many teach out of love and passion, so be supportive. They are just as important as mom and dad.  Take the spark they give you and ignite your heart!

6. Be yourself.

You are kind, confident, beautiful, silly, funny and smart beyond your years. Don’t let anyone take that away from you. Be you. Kids will either love you or hate you.  Have a core group of friends. Don’t worry about what other kids think of you ― you are enough!

7. Never stop learning or asking questions.

Reading and writing will allow you to explore the world around you and beyond. You are still learning to do all these things, so seek new experiences.

8. Know that you will make mistakes, and that’s OK.  

Don’t cry when you mess up.  Do your best to fix the problem, and move on. Keep trying your best and you’ll eventually get it. 

9. Know we are on this journey together!

I love you, now go rock kindergarten! 

Love, 

Mom 

No Need to Raise Your Voice: How to Get Your Children to Listen...and Do

I reached my limit last week, my kids were out of control! I needed to do something fast and effective to get them to listen and follow directions. So I decided to invest about $80 into the solution. I purchased nearly 100 little toys for my son and daughter. I bought various items like My Little Pony characters, Mini Lego people, play necklaces, rings, washable tattoos, and mini-fire trucks. After compiling my cache of toys, I created a list of common chores that my kids are responsible for throughout the day. I also had them come up with two chores that they could add to the list. Together, we wrote, shared, and agreed to this contract:

Family Chore Contract

-First time listening (following an instruction 5 seconds after it was given)

-Talking like a big kid and not whining

-Doing what I am told without asking “why”

-Eating all my food for breakfast, lunch, and dinner without complaining

-Keeping the playroom clean and organized

-Keeping my room clean and organized

-Helping mom or dad when they need help

-Doing my homework

-Going to bed on time AND staying in my room

*All of these things will be checked off at the end of the day, if I can do all of this, then I will get to pick out ONE toy or item the following morning.

I agree to these terms:

——————————————————————
(Mom)

——————————————————————
(Dad)

——————————————————————
(Child)

——————————————————————
(Child)

Yes, my kids will get a toy everyday (we will stretch this out to a star system in the next two months, but for less than a $1 a day I get piece of mind and retain my sanity as a parent!

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More on picky eating

http://teampbs.com/Articles/9.pdf

How to get picky eaters to eat: A step by step guide to make meal time more enjoyable for everyone

Food is everywhere and we want our kids to make healthy choices, think about these steps as you introduce food to your child. 

Step 1: Think  about what food you are eating on a daily bases. Do you eat the same things everyday? Kids learn by example so if we as parents only eat chicken, rice and beans, chances are your kids will do the same thing. If you are sticking to the same things, try to add one new food to your to routine. The more variety of food your child sees you eat, the more likely he/she will do the same.  

Step Two: Make an effort to cook put "adult" food on your child's plate. Do this for every meal. Research says that a person needs to see something 30 times before they try it. If you have a picky eater this could take up to 40 or 50 times. Keep putting the food on the plate, don't ask your child to do anything with it, just leave it on the plate. 

If you have separated plates this works well. 

Step three: a month off showing your child the same food, have them touch the new food. They just need to touch it for a second. Then they can eat the rest of their meal.

Step four: After two weeks of touching the new food have your child touch and kiss the food. Kissing the food, simply means putting the food on your child's lip. 

Step five: two weeks after that, have your child touch, kiss, and lick the food. 

Step six: Wait another two weeks and have your child touch, kiss, lick and take a small bite. The small can be called a baby bite, a fish bite... Be creative. Do this for two weeks.

Step seven: Finally have your child touch, kiss, lick, take a small bite and then a big bite. 

It will take a long to have your picky eater try something new, but try it this method, if you need help let me know.

Enjoy your new adventure. 

12 Things I Want My Daughter To Know Before She Graduates From High School (From An Entrepreneurial Mom)

1. Never think you are better than anyone, you’re not. Everyone has an innate value, some people try harder than others, but never think your above anyone.  Be kind to everyone you meet, every person has something to offer the world!

2. Know your strengths and explore your weaknesses. Adapt and convert your weaknesses into your strengths.

 3. Study your butt off, pick a field that you love and master it. Learn everything you can about it. Never stop learning; add to the overall human understanding of your field.   Your passion for whatever you choose will push you through the hard times. There will be times where you want to give up, but you'll find the passion and fire inside of you to keep going.

4. Never think you need a significant other to take care of you. You are smart, funny, beautiful, and fully capable of ANYTHING you want.

5. Set goals and seek multiple paths of achievement. Make your goals unthinkable...you will achieve it with the right attitude. Your mindset will lead the way.

 6. Start a business (big or small).  Being an entrepreneur will keep your passions alive. You don't need to be a full-time entrepreneur, just immersed long enough to experience the ups-and-downs of being your own boss.  It is an unbelievable frightening and fleeting at the same time. Being an entrepreneur will keep you grounded and grateful for everything you have.

7.Learn how to manage your time, money, and emotional capital.  Get good at prioritizing both the big and small ventures of your life.  Unlimited wants against limited resources; make decisions.

8. Make mistakes…again, and again; 

stay in the fight. I love you, but I can’t always be there to save you even though I'd do anything so you don't feel pain, you won't learn that way. Failure is part of success.

9. Know that you are loved no matter what. You'll always have a home and place to go if live throws you curve balls (which it will).

10. Love your family; we need you. Love your family and friends the way you want to be loved (I am stilling learning this, so please know there’s always room to grow).

11. Don't get married until you and your partner can communicate effectively, this is a work in progress for everyone, but it will make your marriage better.

12. Work hard and find a career that brings you to life, not one that sucks the life out of you! If that job doesn't exist…create it!

I love you my baby girl! Make BIG things happen for yourself! 

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How to Be a Friend

Friends form a big part of our lives. They are the ones with whom we share our ups and downs; our most joyous successes and most unforgettable pains. Without friends, life wouldn’t be the same at all.  So for all the things our friends do for us, do we ever stop to consider how to actually be a friend (to others)?  Here are a few key points to consider.

Active Listening:  Listening is so important, do not underestimate its power.  The best way to be in the position to listen is through empathy.  Try to understand the situation from your friends’ point of view.  If you aim to do this, you’ll naturally find yourself beginning to ask the right sort of questions.  They will appreciate having someone who really cares about how they feel and what they’re going through. You don’t have to have all the answers, and you shouldn’t assume your friend wants advice – they might just want to talk (so that they can work out what they’re going to do themselves).

Ask Them What They Need:  If you’re worried about your friend and you want to be there for them; openly ask them what they need.   That way you know what they find helpful during tough times, and you can be there in a way that’s most useful to them.   

Be the Friend You Wish You Had:  Beatles have said, “I get by with a little help from my friends” Learn to be the kind of person your friends turn to when all else is lost or when their heart has been broken or when life just sucks. You don’t have to fix their problems, sometimes you can just listen and be there.

Keep in Touch: Face-to-face allows you the most complete experience.  However, even if you guys aren’t nearby each other, making an effort to keep in touch through Facebook, emails, texts and calls will show your friend you are there for them (share the off experiences too). 

Friendships are a Two-Way Street: You have to do your part so that your friend can do theirs.  It must be mutually beneficial.  The experience of being a friend may feel one-sided from time, and there may be long gaps between meetings, but over the lifespan of the friendship, the “work” of the relationship must be balanced.  If one of you is not dependable and there, the friendship can’t run smoothly.

Tell Them How You Feel: You don’t have to make a big deal of it all the time, but sometimes there are moments where letting someone know they’re important, can make a big difference to how someone is feeling.  Making your friend feel relevant, share with them in the important times, and off-times too.

Know When to Let Go and When to Walk Away: If you have someone who is toxic or you feel toxic around them, walk way. There is nothing wrong with letting go of someone who does not want the best for you. 

Autism and routines -written by anonymous

While all children benefit from routine in their day to day lives, children with autism thrive on it! Routines will provide predictability and relieve much anxiety and uncertainty about what is happening around them. A routine will allow your child to have greater control over their environment.

Provide your child with schedules and timers so that they can see clearly what is happening and when. An egg timer works well as a visual cue for children with autism – or alternatively, put markings on the wall clock to show the times for different parts of the daily routine. Alarm clocks and oven timers can also be used as part of a routine to remind a child that it is time to change tasks, get ready for bed, or leave for school. Establish daily routines as early as possible and stick to them as best you can.
Having said that, change is inevitable in life, and with change comes disruptions to routines which can be a potential nightmare for a child with autism.  There are many strategies that can be used to help a child with autism work through day to day change. Picture cards and visual schedules are fabulous and are a strategy that we use regularly in our home. The picture cards show images and photos of the many things that we do during the day, places we visit, and tasks that need to be completed. At the beginning of a day, we select the cards that represent what will be happening for that day. We stick the cards up on a velcro strip, and as we move through the day we remove each card and ‘post’ it in a ‘completed’ box as we finish with a task or scenario. The benefit of the cards is that the child is able to see the full day’s ‘story’ and can predict what will happen next. We also use picture cards for getting ready for kindergarten, getting ready for dinner, or getting ready for bed – the cards outline the tasks that need to be completed, one after the other.
Again, the best made plans can go out the window when an unexpected visitor knocks on the door, or we run out of milk and need to make a quick trip to the store. We have a ‘?’ or ‘what if’ card that we use for these times. It is a card that can be thrown into the mix at any time, and the child understands that this card can means change. To begin with the ‘?’ card is unpredictable, and a lot of time and patience is required with its use. However, the ‘?’ card used consistently when a change arises will eventually give the child a sense of predictability.  The child begins to associate it with change and begins to realize what sort of things to expect from this and is better able to cope.
Remember that children with Autism love routine. When changes to your child’s routine need to occur, make sure you allow them plenty of time to adjust to the change, use visual cues when you can, and provide plenty of support to help them through it. The result will be a more relaxed child and a less stressed parent!

What is a social story and how to write one

Social stories are short descriptions of a particular situation, event or activity, which include specific information about what to expect in that situation and why. 

Social stories have a huge range of applications, including:

• to develop self-care skills (eg how to clean teeth, wash hands or get dressed), social skills (eg sharing, asking for help, saying thank you, interrupting) and academic abilities 
• to help a person with autism to understand how others might behave or respond in a particular situation, and therefore how they might be expected to behave 
• to help others understand the perspective of a person with autism and why they may respond or behave in a particular way 
• to help a person to cope with changes to routine and unexpected or distressing events (eg absence of teacher, moving house, thunderstorms) 
• to provide positive feedback to a person about an area of strength or achievement in order to develop self-esteem 
• as a behavioural strategy (eg what to do when angry, how to cope with obsessions).

The information on this page is based on Carol Gray's social story guidelines, published in The new social story book (1994). 

Picture the goal

Consider the social story's purpose. For example, the goal may be to teach a child to cover their mouth when coughing.

Now think about what the child needs to understand to achieve this goal. For example, they need to understand why covering their mouth when coughing is important, ie it stops germs from being spread which may make other people sick.

Gather information

The next stage is to gather information about the person including their age, interests, attention span, level of ability and understanding. 

As well as this, collect information about the situation you want to describe in your social story. For example: where does the situation occur, who is it with, how does it begin and end, how long does it last, what actually happens in the situation and why?

Tailor the text

A social story is made up of several different types of sentences that are presented in a particular combination. Sentence types are described in the Figure 1 below:

Figure 1

Sentence type	What is it?	Examples
Descriptive	Answers the 'wh' questions wheredoes the situation occur, who is it with, what happens and why?Descriptive sentences need to present information from an accurate and objective perspective.	Christmas Day is 25 December.  Most children go to school.  Sometimes I get sick.
Perspective	Refers to the opinions, feelings, ideas, beliefs or physical/mental well being of others.	My Mum and Dad knowwhen it is time for me to go to bed.  Teachers like it when students raise their hand to ask a question in the classroom.  Some children believe in Santa Claus.
Directive	Gently offers a response or range of responses for behaviour in a particular situation. It is important that these sentences have a positive focus and are constructed in ways which allow flexibility (ie avoid statements like I must or I have to).	I will try to cover my mouth when I cough.  I might like to play outside during lunchtime.  When I am angry, I can:           take three deep breaths           go for a walk           jump on the trampoline.
Affirmative	Statements that enhance the meaning of the previous sentence (which may be a descriptive, perspective or directive sentence) and can be used to emphasise the importance of the message or to provide reassurance to the person.	(I will try to hold an adults hand when crossing the road). This is very important. (Thunder can be very loud).This is ok.
Co-operative	Sentences which identify how others may be of assistance to the person(developed by Dr Demetrious Haracopos in Denmark).	Mum and Dad can help me wash my hands.  An adult will help me when I cross the road.   My teacher will help me to try to stay calm in class.
Control	Statements written by the person with autism to provide personal meaning to a particular situation and to assist them to recall and apply information.	My body needs food several times per day; just like a steam train needs coal to stay running.
Partial	Incomplete sentences, which allow the person to guess the next step in a situation, and may be used with descriptive, perspective, directive, affirmative, co-operative and control sentences.	My name is  ___________  (descriptive sentence)  Mum and Dad will feel ____________ if I finish all my dinner  (perspective sentence)

The sentence types described in the above table need to be put together in a particular combination to make a social story (referred to as the social story ratio).

In each story, there should be no more than one directive or control sentence and at least two (but no more than five) of the remaining sentence types. 

Five Mistakes That Moms Make

This blog was inspired by a conversation with a new mom as well as the mistakes I made four years ago. I think the underline issue with these mistakes are based on guilt. I want you all to know it's OKAY to lose the guilt and learn to love yourself as a mother, a wife and a person! 

1. Not Following Your Gut:

All moms can distern their baby's needs, but often times new mom second guess themselves. Don't second guess the voice inside side your head. You are the only one that knows what your child needs! You and your baby were attached for nine months, you know each other better than you think, so don't second guess yourself!  

2. Not Putting Your Baby on a Schedule:

Let me say this first, I am not telling you how to raise your child. I am smipling giving you a tool to make your life and your child's life easier. Your child should be placed on a schedule by six weeks olds. This will help your baby know what expect and help get him/her into a better sleeping and eating pattern. (If you are nursing, then speak to your doctor about how offten your child needs to eat)

3. Not Allowing Your Child to Learn How to Self-Sooth 

All children need to learn how to sooth themselves, it's OKAY to let you child cry for a few minutes (I know it breaks your heart, but we have to strong to teach our children a VERY important coping skill.)  Self soothing is the first part of self-regulation and if we don't teach our kids how to regulate their emotions we are doing them a disservice. 

If you hear your child cry give them the words to describe how they feel. You can say "I know you're sad because you want play, but it's bedtime."

4. Not Focusing  on Lanaguage at an Early Age:  

Babies can learn sign language at three months, they won't be able to mimic signs until they have more control over their body parts (around six months), however, they are learning! Sign the word milk when your baby is drinking and sign the word eat when you are feeding them. Babies who are exposed to sign language are able to communicate their needs earlier, this gives them more control, they also tantrum less! (If you want to learn how to teach sign lanague contact me, I LOVE teaching baby sings :-)

5. Not Giving Yourself a Break

Moms by nature are critical of themselves DON'T be! Being a parent is the hardest job in the world, don't get down on yourself if you have a bad day. Give yourself a break! It's ok to have a messy house,  piles of laundry and toys all over! Don't try to be the prefect wife and  mother. (This one took me FOUR years to learn, don't make the same mistake I did)

I hope this helps you. I wish someone would have told me this after giving birth to my first child. Good luck and let's start giving ourselves a break and lose the gulit.

There are only 4 reasons why ANY human being participates in a behavior:

Last week, I touched on the four reasons of behavior, here they are broken down: 

Here are the four fictions of behavior 

1) Access 

2) Escape

3) Attention

4) Self -Stimulatory

Any and all behaviors can be broken down into one of these categories.

We seem to be much more aware of this fact when our children are infants. We actually spend a lot of time trying to decipher their behavior and are very attuned to their needs and desires based on that behavior. For example you knew that your child was hungry by the tone of their cry and tug of your shirt (access to tangible – milk/food). If they were still crying even after having a full belly you knew that they probably needed their diaper changed (crying = escape – dirty diaper). When they sucked on their pacifier it was self- stimulatory (my son used to rub his ear – too cute). And when they became toddlers and said “Mom watch!” ( a hundred times :)while they jumped into a pile of  leaves they were looking for attention.

Somewhere after infancy you may have lost sight of these reasons.

The good news is that any and all of their behaviors are based on this 4 reason model. If you memorize this you will find that you are much more patient with your child(ren) and even your husband, coworkers, family and friends.

Just as an adult wakes up in the morning and goes to  work everyday (access to tangible – money), participates in a hobby (self stim) or an addiction (escape), children also have their reasons. They are never  “acting out”  just to torture you (although it can certainly feel like it); they are behaving that way for a reason.

The really good news is that once you define the reason you are better equipped at understanding the behavior. You can then handle the need appropriately. Your reactions will change. Your understanding will play a role now in how you handle that behavior and your love and respect for each other will blossom.

If this helpful and you want to know more about why your child is acting up PM me and we can talk about it. We can also discuss consequences(not negative things, a consequence in behavior terms is just a reaction to a behavior) for the behavior. 

If you like this and would like more, like me on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Sri.parent.coach

Weekly meal plan

Here's a time saving tip:

Make a weekly meal plan list and go to the grocery store once a week. This will save you several trips to store and if you cook all 6 meals on Sunday you will save 6 hours a week!!!

Here's what my family will be eating this week:

Sunday

Turkey burgers

Monday 

Chicken adobo

With rice 

Tuesday 

Meatloaf 

Wednesday 

Chicken stri fry 

Thursday 

Tacos 

Friday 

Homemade Pizza 

Saturday 

Ribs and corn 

Unplug Your Kids and Reconnect

Unplug Your Kids and Reconnect

Do you remember your childhood days when you would play outside until the street lights came on, or fall asleep to the dim flickering diode of an old (non-LED) night light?  This generation (our kids) may never if rarely experience those key memory markers. Our kids can hack and navigate our phones and tablets with reckless abandon at the age of two, and have unlimited streaming kid content.  Of course, they now (struggle to)fall asleep, not because of the flickering night light, but because of the artificial backlight of our always-on electronic devices!  Their endearing eyes once gazed upon us in absolute wonder; eager for inspiration, affirmation, love and support.  Now, their disconnected glances rarely seek us out, if only for the power cord or headphone.  Our glances rarely meet those of our children, for they have found a replacement you, a more HD version of you...rather the the artificial replacement of you!  

The truth is, we relinquish our position of power as parents. Supplanted instead by electronics, not by force or fear, but incrementally (in thirty minute cartoon episodes, or the always looping five minute DIY toy videos).  It is at its core with good intentions, but we are losing the narrative of what it is to be a parent.

I understand the integral part tablets, phones, and laptops play in our cloud based culture, but for the little discretionary time with our families we do have, lets maximize our influence as parents!  Here are some ways that my husband and I reconnect with our two kids.    

Limiting Screen Time: 
This includes both duration and the actual time-of-day of consumption.  Limiting *discretionary* electronic consumption allows other functions of our learning to occur.  My husband and I have a rule that our kids must play or do something constructive for at least three hours before they watch TV.

Family Game Night: 
Our kids are younger (under five), so we use board games and puzzles. Consistency is important, this needs to be a scheduled and dedicated family event; even if your don’t finish the entire game.

Having Play Dates: 
Make friends in the neighborhood and get those kids over and play! It benefits all.  Invite their parents over for lunch (with their kids), show your kids how to be social.  Knowing who your kids are hanging out with will help you maintain influence over them as they grow, being the house where the kids go is also a great way to stay updated on your kids lives. We have kids over two or three nights a week. 

Cooking and Eating Together: 
Teaching our kids how to cook is an invaluable life skill. Our kitchen will often times mimic that of a high school science lab.  It is where our kids go to experiment and be creative with different food and flavors.  Our kids have a tangible and (most times) edible learning experience, they want to express themselves through the cooking of food.  Our kids have been more willing to eat what they cook which cuts down on the pickiness a two year old and a four year would tend to have. 

Take Walks with Your Kids: Walking around our neighborhood at dusk brings us back to the days when one-on-one time meant actual face-to-face. This creates the opportunity for our kids to inquire about the sights and sounds around where they live while exercising too.

Get into the Pool and Have Fun:
Most kids love water.  We get our kids into the pool and confident being around water (it’s also life insurance for them if they ever fall in). After swim lesson we teach our kids how to jump into the water and how to play pool games.  My daughter and I had a 10 minute water gun fight!  Do not sit on the sidelines watching your kids having fun, join them!

Reading Books Together:
Books open an opportunity for our kids to escape into another world.  It also gives us time to reconnect.  Our kids get to hear our passionate reading voices and laugh at or storytelling.  Spending at least 15 minutes a day reading to your kid is a good starting point.

Good Old Fashioned Playing:
Unscripted and fun.  Teach your child how to play (we as parents forget how to play).  My husband was casually taking some cardboard boxes to the recycling bin, when out of the blue, he turns around in the living room and looks at our kids.  Ten minutes later, they had cut out and decorated two rocket ships and were soon off to space! The kids loved it. Go back to your inner kid and (seriously) play for your kids, kids don't judge you and they want to connect with you!  

Unplug and reconnect with your kids.  Include them as much as possible into your daily activities absent electronics.  They long for that connection and everyone will be better off because of it!